Captain Flob

A veteran of the interstellar travel industry, Flob has been piloting space buses around the galaxy ever since acquiring a massive head injury from being crushed by a giant invisible Ort on Phallabus 5 ten years ago. You know what they say about those Orts—you can’t see um comin’ til there right on top of you…pulverizing every bone in your body. Captain Flob might not know where you are going, but he is certain he can get you there eventually.


A graduate of Chumbold State Junior Galaxian College with an advanced degree in both holistic hospitality and fast food restaurant management, Octuli pours his heart, soul and watered down but reasonably priced beverages into each voyage on which Visit Rustic Earth embarks. Considering this is the first voyage, expectations are high. Octuli is there to personally ensure your every need is met throughout your journey by someone that is probably not him.


The rare product of an evil scientific experiment gone right, Paradoxa is the girl of space ship’s dreams and probably every man’s nightmare. She serves as Space Bus Rural Route 8’s engineer, navigator, security, purser and late night exotic entertainment. She ain’t hard on the eyes either, boys…if you have no eyes, of course.


Found in an abandoned storage locker on Chixixixixix 2 along with a jar of pickled elbows and a stainless steel chest of dirty panties, Numroid has proven himself to be the second most useful product of that acquisition. His in-depth understanding of the cultural and technological oddities of Earth combined with his updated CPA’s license allows Numroid to steer Visit Rustic Earth tours to moderate financial success.

The Unionized Nanobots

The Robotic Union of Intergalactic Nanobots (RUIN) has been kicking the crap out of The Man for three hundred and fifty years throughout the five boroughs of the known universe. These nanoscopic robots load luggage and do other "small" tasks aboard the ship. You want us to do a job, you better be ready to pay up front. Otherwise, kiss off!